My mom used to tell me that there was something "different" about me, that others were drawn to me. She told me a story about when I was a baby, she would have strangers come up to her and beg her to let them hold me, and how I continued to radiate that energy as I grew older. I think that hearing this so often made me feel like I was special, and that I was destined for something great in life.
In a world that is crumbling around us, people are becoming more and more in tune with energies. A big topic being that of manifestation. Have you ever heard of the concept of karmic energy? It's the idea that what you put into the world will come back to you tenfold. In other words, the energy you give out into the world will ultimately shape your life and experiences.
This idea ties into the concept of manifestation as well. When we put out positive energy and intentions, we are more likely to attract positive experiences and outcomes. On the other hand, if we focus on negative energy and intentions, we may attract negative experiences and outcomes.
It's important to note that this isn't about being perfect or never having negative thoughts or experiences. We're all human and we all experience ups and downs. However, it's important to be mindful of the energy we're putting out into the world, and to try to focus on the positive as much as possible.
I have had amazing things happen to me, and I can only credit the attitude that I put forth into doing so, because the minute that I let someone convince me to stop believing that I was special, or capable, or beautiful - the worse things became.
For a while, I let others define my worth, letting people make that decision for me. Doing so, even with all the light that surrounded me, my life started changing, I started believing that I couldn't do things, that I wasn't important, or special, and that I deserved very little. This brought more and more people into my life that didn't deserve to be there, and that because of how I began to feel about myself, more and more people felt that they too could disrespect me, and drag me down lower, along with themselves.
As humans, we all have our own unique personalities, quirks, and characteristics that make us who we are. However, in today's society, it is easy to fall into that trap of trying to fit into someone else's mold, or to conform to what others expect of us.
This is no way to live. It is crucial to stay true to yourself and to not let anyone convince you that you are "too much."
I remember befriending a girl who struggled with low self esteem. Despite her insecurities, I always found her to be so much fun, so beautiful, and really funny. She had a light that she couldn't see.
She allowed others to dim that light, and she changed as a person, not for the better, and our friendship faded.
Years later, I had heard through the grapevine that she had been "warning" people that I was "Extremely High-Maintenance". I had heard this before along with other cruel depictions of my character from others, and over time I began to second guess myself. I tried to tone down my personality, be who and what everyone else wanted me to be, all because I wanted to fit in, and not come across as "too much."
However, over time I realized that I was losing my sense of self, and it wasn't worth it. I've grown to embrace who I am, quirks and all, and to accept that maybe I am High-Maintenance, but that it is okay.
When I laugh and apologize to my husband for all of the ways that I am "too much", he tells me that I am just enough. His support and his love remind me that it's okay to be myself, even if others do perceive me to be too much. He reminds me that those aren't my people.
I am no longer sorry.
I'm not sorry for the days that I bring light and love into a room.
I'm also not sorry for the days that I have reached my limit of forgiveness when you've disrespected me or my family.
I'm not sorry for liking the things that I like that may seem lame, or frivolous to you.
I'm not sorry that I look at the world differently than you do, or that because of that life seems to give me more opportunities.
Not everyone is for me. I am also not for everyone else.
Only I can define my worth. So if I believe that I am trash, I will for sure amount to nothing more than trash. But if I believe that I am beautiful, I am powerful, I am successful, and good things always come to me, then I surely will attract those things into my life.
This doesn't mean that I don't notice bad energy, but to protect yourself from negative energy is to be mindful of the people and environments you surround yourself with. If you know that certain people or situations make you feel drained or anxious, try to limit your exposure to them as much as possible. Instead, focus on spending time with people who uplift and inspire you, and in environments that make you feel happy and relaxed.
So don't mistake my silence for ignorance.
I see those who are following my personal pages, but not supporting my blog. I see when someone is watching my videos, or looking at my posts and not engaging.
I see you.
Remember, what you put out into the world will come back to you tenfold.
So, my message for everyone is this: Never let anyone convince you that you are too much. Embrace your unique qualities and characteristics because they make you who you are. Don't try to fit into someone else's mold, or conform to what others expect of you.
Be yourself, and don't apologize for it.
Remember that you are enough just the way that you are. For those who try to bring you down, it isn't a reflection of who you are, but rather a reflection of their own insecurities. Stay true to yourself, and you will attract the right people who love and appreciate everything about who you are.
I hope that the girl who felt the need to say those things about me learned this for herself.
People always say "Be the woman who fixes another woman's crown without telling people that it's crooked.", I say, don't even try to adjust another woman's crown, we all wear them differently.